• Dating & Sex

Do you have sex on the first date? Should you? If so, when and why, or why not? Should one have an internal or external dating sexual policy, or should it depend on the chemistry or heat of the moment or on other imponderables? Should you discuss your sexual policies before, during or after a date, or is it best to keep mum about such a personal issue? 

There are no answers to the question of the mix of dating and sex, but a good guide to the issues is learn about options and what feels best (some pun intended) to you.

Technology may have changed how people find a date, go on a date, and the lingo daters use, but the question on when to engage in sexual intimacy still remains a subjective if not emotional and biological mystery … if not a confusing conundrum.

The sourced articles below should provide more information on the subject of dating and sex.

  1. Millennials Say Date’s Political Views Are More Important Than Sex, Study Reports

    “The number of millennial men and women who prioritize political party alliance over good sex has skyrocketed since 2016, according to data from OkCupid. The matchmaking company surveyed more than 8 million users, and found that interest in dating someone with similar political beliefs has gone up 165 percent since 2004, while having good sex has decreased as a priority 30 percent. Specifically, between 2016 and 2018, the number of women who consider politics more important than sex shot up from 27 percent to 42 percent, while for men that needle moved from 23 percent to 30 percent.”

    Hannah Frishberg, foxnews.com, 3/21/2019

  2. “When To Have Sex: Five Signs That It’s Time To Move Your Date Into The Bedroom”

    “So when should we be getting our private parts involved here? ‘When sexual intimacy is delayed for at least three to six months, the couple then has a foundation that can become augmented by the passion of sexuality,’ says Dr. Carla. [Manly]”

    Danielle Page, askmen.com, 5/26/2018

  3. How Having Sex Changes The Dating Dynamic

    “Sex can make you feel closer and more attached than you actually are, tainting how you feel about your date on a chemical and emotional level. … During this personal decision, it’s important to talk about your intentions, understand your boundaries around sex, and get clear on what you want instead of approaching things mindlessly or hiding (yourself or your feelings) behind sex.”

    Rachel Dack, Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor, eharmony.com, 5/9/2018

  4. After The Reckoning: #MeToo, Sex And Dating In 2018

    “Here are the perspectives of six people on how the #MeToo momentum has played out in their dating lives as they attempt to navigate the cloudy waters of consent.”

    Laura Barcella, nbcnews.com, 4/19/2018

  5. How Long Couples In Lasting Relationships Should Wait To Start Having Sex, According To Science

    “One of the reasons it’s hard to determine the best time in a relationship to have sex is because there hasn’t been a lot of research tackling that specific question. Few studies have looked at the health of a relationship as it relates to when couples first had sex, and the research that has been done mostly features specific samples of people — mainly college students or married heterosexual couples.”

    Lydia Ramsey, businessinsider.com, 2/13/2018

  6. What It’s Really Like to Date When You’ve Done Sex Work

    “Aside from losing my career in dramatic fashion, dating was one of the toughest parts of being someone with sex work experience. Whether you’re a dancer or an escort, a porn star or a cam girl, the same questions arise: how and when to tell the person you’re dating, and then, how to manage their reaction (they always have one).”

    Melissa Petro, allure.com, 8/23/2017

  7. 7 Tips For Dating A Survivor Of Sexual Abuse Or Assault

    “Survivors like me are not rare, especially considering the statistics. According to the Rape, Abuse & Incest National Network, every 98 seconds an American is sexually assaulted, including both male and female victims. This means at some point in your dating life, odds are you will encounter a survivor.”

    Renee Fabian, talkspace.com, 8/11/2017

  8. The Right Time To Sleep With Someone, And 9 Other Lessons From A Modern Dating Class

    “Two hours and two experts later, I had learned a lot. But please, take the do’s and don’ts below with a grain of salt, because a) can anyone truly be an expert at ‘dating’ and … and you can sleep with someone whenever you damn want.”

    Rosa Heyman, marieclaire.com, 2/10/2017

  9. You Shouldn’t Have Sex With Him Until He Does This

    “If you are single and want to be in a committed relationship, make it a new rule that you will stop engaging in casual sex with guys who you are dating casually. If you are not looking for a relationship and are just looking to have a good time, stop reading this article, and bookmark it for a few months down the line when you are over this Samantha Jones-inspired phase (no shame, girl).”

    Alessandra Conti, elitedaily.com, 12/14/2016

  10. When Should You Have Sex With A New Partner?

    “When it comes to having sex with a new partner, everyone has an opinion on when’s the ‘right’ time to take the plunge – and the truth is, they’re all wrong! For every relationship that doesn’t go further than a one-night stand, there’s that couple that slept together after their first date and have been together ever since. So, when it the best time to become intimate with a new partner, and will the timing actually effect your future relationship? “

    Verity Hogan, eharmony.co.uk, 9/14/2016

  11. Healthy Dating Relationships In Adolescence

    “Adolescents date less now than they did in the past. This change is most striking for twelfth-grade students, where the percentage of youth who did not date increased from 14 percent in 1991 to 38 percent in 2013. Adolescent sexual activity also has decreased from previous decades. The percentage of U.S. high school students who ever had sex decreased from 54 percent in 1992 to 41 percent in 2015.”

    Online Resource, hhs.gov, 5/5/2016

  12. This Is Exactly How Long You Should Wait To Have Sex

    “When you start dating someone new, there’s always the question of when you should have sex for the first time. Society says after three dates, your grandmother says after marriage, your penis says right now…but when’s the actual right time?”

    Zeynep Yenisey, maxim.com, 3/29/2016